being passive

being passive is like being screwed. And i have never understood why is it so that i have alwayz met more passive people in my life. and probably it all ends on expectations. They expect that i will make a move & I expect that they might make a move. And so under this passive deadlock, all comes to a standstill. Nothing moving, nothing happening.

This passivism has ultimately led me to a state of indecision. A state where evrything seems the same .. as if ur standing in the middle of something and evrything is at a similar distance to you. SO evrything seems fare .. whatever you choose hardly makes any difference . You dont want to continue on to certain relations but yet you dont want to let go. And such passivism kills the ability of thinking with a cool head. Everything seems quite unorganised, rather it is.

now only to kill this passivism I should walk or else I am stagnate. And to stagnate is to lag behind cause the world is moving fast. So may be i need some activation technique. ummm ...

wheres my schedule ?? :)

the urge of being a better man

I know m a confused guy . Probably, as confused as confusing it can get . I wish to do all of it .. nd somehow end up doing nothing. And this confusion is killing me slowly. But soon I will be on the track .... lets hope so. There have alwayz been problems with me . Rather i have been a problematic guy all together.

Whatver i do in life , nd whatever i have been through in life were solely my decisions and I not supposed to regret them. But I do. I have this creepy habit of cribbing myself most of the times. Why am I not like this & that stuff !!

I went to a session today, conducted by IMS . THere was this guy .. the so called motivational speaker or the SOFT skills guy .. ohk fine .. he was gud .. bt he gets paid for tht , so he ought to be good. He was a man of extrovertism, some very cheap jokes but still knew how to catch peoples attention. And as is with such guyz he touched that very point which intrigues everyone . He wrote only two things on the board ::

WHO AM I ??
WHAT DO I WANT TO DO IN LIFE ??

And that was it .. rest was all crap . AS if he knew who he was, but ya since he has done quite a lot in his 35 yrs of life, so may be he was sure what he was supposed to do next. What if he was a youngster with a hell lot of worriers & pressure . I knw he might have been a youngster sometime .. bt thn was he d same individual as today . Did he knew the ans then.

Now, I dont exactly know WHO AM I ? the point i put this to myself, I get some very obscure answers like ..

' I am anuj panwar. Umm .. presently m a lil confused as to what to choose & wht to leave . I m walking down towards the AB rite now. I knw i have lots & lots of things to think about. But i just think & hardly react. I wish to do evry damn thing out there . Have tried to develop some varied interests lately .. bt thn i screw up most of the times .. as if i dont have time .. huh '

' I am anuj. umm .. may be this is a crap question . HOw can i figure out myself. Why is everybody more mature than me .. man they have got an insight .. i know i too have one .. but .. '

' I am anuj .. ohk . shut up now '

2 . WHAT DO I WANT TO DO IN LIFE ??

' ya sure . lots & lots of thigs. Its there in my thoughts bt the point i try to write down 1 thing i wish to do .. i donno .. nothing comes to my mind .. the state of being unsure is quite pathetic. Ya ya .. job, money, family & stuff r all there . But thats all normal stuff .... what exactly i want to do .. m not sure about . May be never thought of it seriously . And i am not even sure of the options that i have .. damn .. i suck at answwering such questions '

U see .. thts why questions like where do u see urselves 5 yrs down the line .. I hate them . I donno .. who knows abt tomorrow & ur talking about 5 yrs .. moreover to a lazy guy .. no way .

So u see, its all about these two questions. Umm .. probably they r some NP- hard problems .. ( haha .. forget it ) .

I wonder why i sometimes interfere in to peoples life. Trying to get too personal, thinking as if it is my job to see to it that the things r rite. And may be its just for some initial interest that i develop in certain individuals .. may be a normal attraction. But u knw its too bad to be personal. I shud think of leaving people by themselves .. cause seriously no one can help neone . My honey words my make someone feel good, but in the end its his/her life , he/she is supposed to handle it by themselves. Why do i worry ?? May be i dont .. its just that we are too scared to peep in to our own life, nd thus try to make others better off . ANd u say its a gud deed .. proabaly not. Treat yourself better .. nd you will be a better person tommorrow.

Sometimes I wish ( strongly ) to be a person of standards. I mean to have some of my own standards .. I do have some presently but havent really figured them out. But u knw theres a stage in life when you feel that almost everything is perfect .. you dont have anything to cribb on .. no regrets .. nothing.

Its this urge of being a better man .... every single day.

PS :: ohk . fine. Its yet another wierd post. so wht .

a lot like love

PS :: Its nothing related to me. And this PS is meant for ppl who think that m obssessed with love .. which m prefectly sure m not , however confused i might be .

I recently witnessed some very interesting & kind of toughest questions regarding one of the most intriguing word .. feeling .. LOVE !! by rachna

Well, I thought of commenting & jst kept on writing .. so thght of pasting it as a post ( :D i hardly get things to write these dayzz .. my life is too obvious to be shared )

LOve .. aaah !! now who doesnt think abt it .. its such an intriguing word .. feeling ..

there is nothing like an IDEAL world today .. it has got personalised ..

Love is selfless, Zero ego & unconditional .. it is like that purest drop of water that the clouds let go .. bt as soon as it enters our atmosphere .. its polluted by the dirt & d smoke .. the filth inside

It falls down perfectly .. creates a ripple but that resonance is missing .. its not perfect .. cause d world is no more perfect .. nd i feel that LOVE is d most perfect feeling that one can ever have ..
it gives one immense pleasure whn u feel something beautiful for someone .. bt behind evry pleasure is hidden some lust .. pleasure is not pure .... its all individual ..

Love is not jst abt caring .. its about putting someone foremost .. ahead of evryone & evrything .. if u can feel the way u feel for ur parents for someone .. tht u can give nething & evrything jst to see that smile on someones face .. thn probably ur in love ...

Its about being at cloud 7 and maintaining the balance. Theres nothing like Perfect Love .. it is perfect in itself ..

But still to me its an intrigue .. its an illusion of being happy , rather getting prepared for yet another sad moment ( d one tht follows ) .

Its gud tht these dayz quite a lot of couples get married being in love .. well they might not be in love at tht point of time ( may be they hav an illusion .. bt thn they r ready to spend time wid one another .. thn its worth ofcourse ) .. thereby giving each other plenty of time to really fall in love ..

having said tht .. u nevr knw .. one might fall in love in a nick of time ..

Toughest problems are hardly solved with practice .. they require a strike .. its all a nick of time .. nd u never knw what theory Love follows .. it just makes it way in ..

DAmn !! donno .. its jst so confusing ..

Hapiness might be the start .. bt Pain is the only dead end that Love leads to !!

Its another Tequila Sunrise ..
Just another lonely boy in town ..

Oh, and its a hollow feelin when
It comes down to dealin Love

Take another shot of courage
Wonder why the right words never come
You just get numb
Its another tequila sunrise,this old world
Still looks the same,
Another frame, mm...

intricaciesof life

The wish to stop time has never been stronger. I wish if i dont have to grow any older. Its not abt being scared of ur responsibilites or fearing the future .. its not abt running from the challenges of life nd nor it is about leaving the cosset world & facing the hard one out there .... its all abt individuality .. its all abt the person I am nd the person i am turning into as i grow.

I am sure none of us is as innocent & truthful as we used to be when we were kids ( talking abt innocent kids ofcourse :D ) .. not even to others nor to ourselves. And its not even about being what you were cause change is inevitable .. but is this change for the better or has the degradation started .. i mean 20 yrs i have been nurtured enough .. nd now m supposed to pay .. not strange though .. life is a not a bed of roses its a balance, though its alwayz hard to strike that balance thats why we stumble evry point of our life .. dont we ??

I cannot ask questions as I used to when i was young enough not to let my mind rule over my heart . I cannot ask someone ' Did you miss me' .. why ?? cause as i have grown so has my ego .. nd i can tell u its such a shit that u can hardly escape .. it wont evr let you know that its ruling you . We live in a society .. nd its but natural to get influenced .. nd its an egoistic society ..

Why should i be the one to initiate ??
Why should i say that ??
Why should i call first .. it wasnt my mistake ( though it was none's mistake .. it were the circumstances )
why should i express ....
why should i even speak out .. I will live with the pain ( nd i bet people really love it .. they will cry & yell .. bt at the end of the day .. they r the one who wished for it .. )

And as you move on you get more & more confused .. nd its none's fault .. ur the cause of our own confusion, cause you let this happen to yourselves .. and if its not true than why did man decided to get settled at a place rather than roaming around. The more you wander, the more you stray .. the more confusing it is . If i have been to 10 places & someone asks me 'Whts the most beautiful place in the world' .. wont i be confused !!

Shit !! now i got confused what to write further ..

But i must say that all these problems r simple & the solutions r simpler .. its all about accepting the solution.
If I dont accept the solution, neither i wish to deny it .... m bound to be hell confused as I am ..

I dont wish you near me .. neither i wanna let you go
I am still a confused man .. will i always be so ??
Life has never been lonlier .. its never been so testing
Will i start my walk .. or continue believing in resting !!


Ahh !! intricacies of life .. its such a pain in d ass .

PS :: :D :D